<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Guide Me Through The Darkness by Pineprin137</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442141">Guide Me Through The Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137'>Pineprin137</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidents, Anger, Angst and Feels, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Frustration, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Love, Major Character Injury, Medical Trauma, Relationship Issues, Understanding, all the feels, i'm not crying, lots of feels, you're crying</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:20:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When an accident on set takes something precious from Jensen, he's forced to make a choice. Will he find the strength to keep moving, or will he succumb to the darkness?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here you are, jacklesismylife. I hope this satisfies your need for suffering, miserable, hurt Jensen! </p><p>I'm sorry it took so long, sweetie!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen felt the sudden tug as one of the parts of the rigging above him snapped. He looked up in time to see the pulley swing free, and his eyes widened in panic. A moment later, the harness bit into his chest and legs. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He lost purchase on the edge of the building and started to fall. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He scrambled for a handhold--anything to stop his descent... </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But the entire rig was coming down, and it was taking him down, too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The bricks scraped his skin raw. His head rang with each bodily slam into the side of the building. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was no time to try to detach himself from the rigging; the harness he wore was made to keep him secure. There were too many buckles and straps to undo. The suspended actor didn’t stand a chance against gravity as the heavy metal beams plummeted toward the pavement below. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was falling, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>The doctors told him he was lucky to be alive. Jensen wasn’t sure he agreed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The first few weeks after the accident were brutal. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel tried her best to be patient and calm whenever Jensen’s anger and frustration took over. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was terrifying and heartbreaking to see her husband struggle with his injuries, and she helped when she could, but it seemed to make things worse. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t want her help. He didn’t want her pity or understanding. He wanted things to go back to normal. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This is our normal now, Jensen,” she sobbed, trying to placate him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But Jensen wasn’t going to be deterred this time. No, instead of listening to his wife’s voice and letting Danneel soothe his fear and frustration, he spun and threw the cane as hard as he could. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel flinched when the mirror on the wall shattered. Tears streamed down her face. “Jay, stop! Please!” She took a hesitant step towards him. Her hand reached for him, but she didn’t make contact. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jensen. I know. Okay? I know that this isn’t how things were supposed to be. And I get that you’re frustrated--” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen whirled when he heard her voice so close. He gripped her shoulders tightly. “No,” he said through gritted teeth, “You don’t ‘get’ it. You can’t! You can see them!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Honey, please…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As suddenly as the rage had filled him, it fled from Jensen's body, and he sagged against his wife. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His weight forced Danneel back into the end of their bed. His heartwrenching sobs tearing at her as she tried and failed to find a way to help him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was no healing from this, though. The damage was permanent. She couldn’t kiss it and make it better. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unable to hold him up, she sunk to the floor with him in her arms. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t do this…” Jensen whispered. He dug his fingers into her shoulders, desperately searching for a way to ground himself. “I don’t know how…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>On her knees, back pressed against the footboard, she held her husband as he wept, and as she shushed and rocked him, she tried to believe herself when she said, “It’s going to be okay, Jay...  We’re going to figure this out.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But a part of her wasn't sure they would. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>When Danneel walked into the bedroom, she found Jensen lying in bed. She wasn't surprised by it anymore. Anytime something like this happened, he retreated. He pulled away from her and shut himself off from the kids. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She approached cautiously, gingerly laying her hand on his leg so he wouldn’t startle. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jay,” she started.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But Jensen shook his head. “Dee...don’t. Please...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He wasn’t angry anymore. Not like he had been earlier. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now, he sounded defeated. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel took a deep breath. Lately, she felt more like a parent to him than a wife, but she had to try. She couldn’t give up on Jensen. It wasn’t in her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She vowed to stay by her husband's side through sickness and health, the good times...and the bad. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So, instead of walking away and letting him wallow in self-pity and the shame of his embarrassment, she sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through his hair. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The doctors told us there would be setbacks, Jay. That’s all it was--just a minor setback.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen snorted. “Minor.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Feeling the familiar edge of frustration creep in, she rolled her eyes. “Yes, Jensen. Minor. You’re acting like this is the end of the world, and it’s not! You made a mistake. One mistake. That's allowed to happen, honey.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen shoved the covers back. “We’re not talking about this.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, we are." </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel reached her hand out to brush his arm, but Jensen pulled away from her. "</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>We have to, Jensen. This is our life, now! Whether you like it or not, you can’t do all the things you could before!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She didn’t understand. No one did. They all said that it would be okay, but Jensen knew it was crap. They had no idea what it was like. What he'd lost...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His voice was hard when he spoke to her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t want to talk about it.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But Danneel’s patience was shot. She’d been dealing with Jensen’s bad mood all day while juggling the kids, and she was at the end of her rope. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Tough shit,” she told him. “We’re going to talk about it. Because it’s not going to go away, Jensen!" Again, he tried to pull away when she reached for his hand, but this time, she held on tight. "I’m not going to let you give up. I need you, Jay…” The first tear slipped free. “I can’t do this by myself. I need my husband. And they need their father.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen shook his head. “It isn’t fair, Dee...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel wrapped her arms around him. “I know...I know it’s not. But all we can do is keep trying to move forward.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She brushed the tears off of his face. “Please, don’t give up.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“...I'm not...I just--God, Dee, I just want to see them one last time,” Jensen sobbed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, honey…I know. I know you do. And I wish you could...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel wished there was more she could do, but there wasn’t. She could hold Jensen tight, whisper reassurances, and guide him in the dark, but she couldn’t undo what happened. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His fingers trailed over her jaw, lingered on her lips. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She cradled his face in her hands and kissed him gently. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I would give anything, Dee, to see you again." He brushed her hair behind her ear. "To see the way you smile when the kids do something dumb, and you’re trying not to laugh… How well that dress you love complements your eyes-- the green one? Makes me weak-kneed every time." </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"That look on your face when we’re making love, and I know you’re right there...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jay…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen turned his face into her hand. “There are so many things, baby-- So many damn things I wish I could see one last time." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel didn't say a word, struck silent by how raw and honest he was being with her. He never talked about the accident or what it took from him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She moved until she was sitting beside him, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stupid shit, too. Like the...front door and that suit you love." He kissed the crown of her head before resting his cheek against her hair. "You know, the grey one? From Elysium?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel nodded against him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“...The Impala in the garage. Icarus running towards me.” He gave a broken laugh before sobering. </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>“JJ’s smile…and seeing the twi--"  he broke off, swallowing hard. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hearing Jensen talk about their children was painful. She knew how hard it would be for her to never see her babies again... It tore at Danneel in a way she’d never experienced before. She wanted so badly to take away his pain.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She smothered a sob in his chest. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jay, I wish you could see them, too..." </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He pulled away from them whenever something like today happened. She knew why. It scared him. And it scared her, too, but- "Honey, they just want to be with you--They miss you so much...” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How can I be a father if I can't protect them, Dee?" He shook his head sadly. "They're supposed to be able to rely on me to keep them safe, and I can't even navigate the stairs by myself." </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel sat up and wiped her eyes. “Jay. Honey, look at me." </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Open your eyes...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen's jaw ticked, and he turned away. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He didn’t want to. Because, when he opened them, it wouldn’t change anything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He would still only see darkness. He wouldn’t ever be able to see his wife again.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel cradled his face in her hands and brushed her fingers lightly over his eyelids. “Open your eyes…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seeking her strength, Jensen covered her hands with his own. As he breathed deeply, he focused on the gentle press of her forehead against his and her warm breath on his skin. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He opened his eyes.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“This-” she said, resting the pads of her fingers over the crow's feet on either side of his still-green eyes. She gazed lovingly into them, even though she knew he couldn't see her. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>--does not change who you are, Jensen. We know. We know who you are-- How strong...brave…kind,...and loving you are." </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You're still that man. It doesn't make you any less of a father.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen raised his head, his absent gaze seemingly on her face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He gave her a sad smile. "Dee, how can I keep you safe--keep them safe-" </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>His throat was so clogged with emotion that it was hard to get the words out. "</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>--if I can’t see what’s coming…?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Danneel grasped his hands. “Honey, no one can see what’s coming--We just have to believe." She stroked his face. "We have to trust that the people we love will be there to catch us when we fall.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re still a father-- still my husband," she whispered, "And w</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>hether you can see me with your eyes or only by touching my face..." Danneel smiled softly. "Y</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ou’re still my Jensen." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fighting back fresh tears, Jensen nodded his head against hers. "</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, so damn much."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She kissed him. “And I love you. No matter what. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jensen took a shaky breath before grasping his wife's hands and holding them to his chest. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He nodded. “Forever…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“...and always,” Danneel finished.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>